Motherhood

Wow. Well no one can you prepare you for how hard motherhood is, no one!

This week has been the toughest, hardest week, my partner went back to work and I had a constipated, congested, unsettled little girl. But we survived. I didn’t eat one day, stopped taking my meds, cried more than Izzy, snapped, got very stressed and been all over the place. After a long talking to from my partner I realised I need to find the time to take my meds every day. It’s so important I stay strong and well for them. As well as eating. I have to. I need to stop using “Izzy was crying” as an excuse, and find the time to make a sandwich and take my meds. I know some days will be harder than others. My mood will dip. It’s to be expected. My hormones are all over the place I have depression and I’m high risk of post natal depression. But I have to try and fight it as much as I can.

Ive spent most of the week believing I’m failing as a mother. Believing Im not good enough that she deserves better than me. That I’m not giving her what she wants, that I don’t know what each cry means. She deserves the world, she deserves better than me.

But one things for sure. No matter how hard it is and how much I doubt myself I adore her. And always will. I’m totally and utterly besotted with her and would do anything in the world for her, to provide for her, to protect her, to help her grow into the wonderful strong beautiful lady she will become. In time I will learn what each cry means I will know exactly what she wants but for now it’s all a learning curve, she’s getting to know me and I’m getting to know her. And we’re loving it 💗

28/9/19 the day life changed forever

I haven’t blogged for ages but I feel a little update is needed. My girl. My princess, is here. 💖

It’s weird. I kind of miss my bump. And being pregnant. When I was pregnant I just thought I looked massive but now I look back and miss my bump BUT now I have my Isabelle and she is my world. I will do everything possible to give her the best life and will never hurt her or let her down. She is my everything. I can’t stop staring at her. I’ve never felt love like this. My heart sinks if she cries and I stare at her just to check she’s breathing. She’s totally completed my life. Ever since I can remember I’ve always wanted my own family. And I’d always wanted a little princess and now I have her and she is perfect. I miss the day she was born I miss the first cuddle, the first time I kissed her, the first time I touched her. I miss it all. It’s going so quick. It’s only day 5 but her birth day seems like a life time ago. A day I will never ever forget though. The day my life changed forever. For the better. I couldn’t have done it without my amazing man though. Words can not describe how brilliant he was how amazing he is. If I could rewind to 08:54 on the 28/9/19 I would. But we have so much to look forward to. So many firsts. A life time together. A lifetime as a family. The three amigos. And I will cherish every single moment, with her and With us as a family. I have my amazing man. And my amazing girl. Not forgetting the cats too. My life is complete. It’s been a battle to get here and I know there’s people

Above looking over me that have got me this far. We nearly lost Izzy before she was born, but I know my nan was up there looking over us. Life’s been tough but I’d like to think it’s just beginning now and I will do everything in my power to stay well and not fall back into the grips of depression and anorexia. I have so much support. So much love. And I have a reason. I have my Isabelle. My Jamie. My family. And that will keep me going. I’m determined. I will stay strong. I will fight the demons from trying to creep back in. A promise to Izzy and Jamie. A promise to my very own family. ❤️💖