Today was a hard day. Today I was at work catering for a wedding. Today I saw two people get married and celebrate with loved ones. Today was hard. To see that. To see them surrounded by love ones. To see something that will never happen for me. To see two people so in love and celebrating the start of there life together. To see it and know I’ll never have it. I couldn’t be further away if I tried. And then on top of that today I had to drive through the town my ex lives in. Drive past the pub we drank in. Drive past the roads we walked. It was hard. It bought back memories. Of late night dashes to the off license of late night drinks in the pub that shuts at 10. It bought it all back. So today’s been hard. I feel even more alone than I’ve ever felt. Surrounded by a day to do with love and I’ve felt the lonlinest I’ve ever felt
Love. Four letters. A tiny word. But a very big meaning. To love someone is one of the best feelings any human can experience. I’m not talking about unconditional love. I’m not talking about the love you have between a family. I’m talking about falling head over heels in love with someone. That someone you call your partner who you hope to marry. Who you can see yourself spending the rest of your life is. But the question is. When do you stop loving someone. When. When you’ve had a break up how long do you wait till the love you felt for that person stops. A month. Several months. A year. Well it’s been nearly 7 months and I can tell you it still hasn’t stopped. I go to bed praying the next day I won’t. Praying it will have stopped. But it hasn’t. How do you get over someone you were madly deeply in love with. When does it happen. The point is I still can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else but I can’t go back there I can’t. It wasn’t good. It was bad. It was toxic. It didn’t work. But that doesn’t stop me being heartbroken. I just want this to end
In fact tonight I think it does. This ends now. I’ve cleared all memories I’ve binned all photos. I’m done. Tonight is the start of a new life. I’m ready.