Bed

So today I’ve literally been in bed all day. That’s not an exaggeration that’s the truth. I’ve left bed to go to the toilet and to make a coffee. That’s it. It’s 3:30pm and I’ve only just got out of bed. I’m still in my dressing gown. I’ll be back in bed within the hour. I wanted to pop up the town. It’s a 5 min walk there and a 5 min walk back. Just to grab a Costa coffee. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t get my mind to make my body change and put clothes on. I couldn’t get my mind to get my body out of bed. It was “in half an hour” “another 10 minutes” I know it sounds silly. I know people just hop out of bed and get changed. But I physically couldn’t. No matter how hard i tried I couldn’t get my mind to convince myself to get up. It sounds illogical. It sounds stupid I know. And if you haven’t suffered with it you won’t understanding and you’ll just be screaming “get up!!” But it’s not that simple!! This hasn’t just been today. Yesterday all I wanted to do was sleep but I had my boyfriend over and he got me up and out. Last week I spent all morning and part of the afternoon in bed. It’s getting more common. And I don’t know what to do. I feel I have no purpose to get up. No reason. And then it gets too late and impossible to get out. I have no job. I have no friends. I have no money to go out spending. I have no reason to bake. No reason to get dressed. No reason to get up. And I don’t know what will help me.

2019

Happy new year everyone.

So I don’t know how I’m ok with all that’s been going on but I seem to be managing to plod along and keep my head above water. I think mainly because I was taken away to Rome for the weekend and had an Amazing time and the memories are getting me by.

So there’s been a big family fall out. I’ve lost my job because of my mental health. Again. I’ve had to get rid of half of my wardrobe because it doesn’t fit and I now have a double chin. It’s all been going on! 2019 has only just started and it’s already been eventful!

But back to happy times. Back to Rome. It was amazing. I ate what I wanted when I wanted and didn’t feel guilty. If I was hungry I ate. I chose what I wanted from the menus not what ana wanted. Yes I still had intrusive thoughts and it wasn’t a walk in the park. But I did it. I loved it. I enjoyed myself. I didn’t worry.