Update

I haven’t blogged for a while. I’ve been quite quiet. But I just thought I’d give a little update. Truth be told I’m not doing too well. I spend my days in bed. All day everyday. I have no motivation to get up and do things. I haven’t baked for ages and those who know me know I LOVE baking. I haven’t washed for 5 days. I just don’t really care. When I really should. I don’t have a job. Still. All I keep getting is rejection emails. I’ve only had one interview. I’m letting everyone down. We’re meant to be moving out but can’t till I get a job. I’m trying. But no one seems to want me. Can’t blame them really. My brother still isn’t talking to me. Last time we spoke was my birthday 6th jan and last time I saw him was ages ago. I didn’t even see him for Christmas. I’ve messaged him several times but he’s just ignoring it. We used to be so close when I was ill but now it feels like he doesn’t care. And this is all over The fact I’m back with my ex who he doesn’t approve off because he said something in the heat of the moment when I was in ICU. he didn’t mean it. He just said it in frustration but now they (my brother and sis in law) don’t talk to me and all my sis in law does is argue with me. It’s petty. It’s immature. I’m a grown woman. I can make my own decisions. And I love my partner. He’s my soulmate. So I will be with him. They just need to accept that. But they won’t. I’m not being harsh. Out of order. Unfair or anything. I/we haven’t done anything wrong.

So all in all I’m not doing great but I’m trying. I’m trying to get up. To do stuff. To keep busy. But it’s hard. So hard.

Bloody life 

So tomorrow we lay my nan to rest. I hate life. I just want to get drunk, cry and it to not happen. I’m not ready to say goodbye to her. I’m not. I’m really not. I don’t want it to happen. Not one bit. I want her back. I want to see her again. I want to talk to her again. To cuddle her. To speak to her. To kiss her. To tell her I love her. I want her to be here. I miss her. She was my hero. I adored her. I looked up to her. I love her to pieces and I miss her so much it hurts. Life sucks. It really does. She should still be here.