28/9/19 the day life changed forever

I haven’t blogged for ages but I feel a little update is needed. My girl. My princess, is here. 💖

It’s weird. I kind of miss my bump. And being pregnant. When I was pregnant I just thought I looked massive but now I look back and miss my bump BUT now I have my Isabelle and she is my world. I will do everything possible to give her the best life and will never hurt her or let her down. She is my everything. I can’t stop staring at her. I’ve never felt love like this. My heart sinks if she cries and I stare at her just to check she’s breathing. She’s totally completed my life. Ever since I can remember I’ve always wanted my own family. And I’d always wanted a little princess and now I have her and she is perfect. I miss the day she was born I miss the first cuddle, the first time I kissed her, the first time I touched her. I miss it all. It’s going so quick. It’s only day 5 but her birth day seems like a life time ago. A day I will never ever forget though. The day my life changed forever. For the better. I couldn’t have done it without my amazing man though. Words can not describe how brilliant he was how amazing he is. If I could rewind to 08:54 on the 28/9/19 I would. But we have so much to look forward to. So many firsts. A life time together. A lifetime as a family. The three amigos. And I will cherish every single moment, with her and With us as a family. I have my amazing man. And my amazing girl. Not forgetting the cats too. My life is complete. It’s been a battle to get here and I know there’s people

Above looking over me that have got me this far. We nearly lost Izzy before she was born, but I know my nan was up there looking over us. Life’s been tough but I’d like to think it’s just beginning now and I will do everything in my power to stay well and not fall back into the grips of depression and anorexia. I have so much support. So much love. And I have a reason. I have my Isabelle. My Jamie. My family. And that will keep me going. I’m determined. I will stay strong. I will fight the demons from trying to creep back in. A promise to Izzy and Jamie. A promise to my very own family. ❤️💖

Update

I haven’t blogged for a while. I’ve been quite quiet. But I just thought I’d give a little update. Truth be told I’m not doing too well. I spend my days in bed. All day everyday. I have no motivation to get up and do things. I haven’t baked for ages and those who know me know I LOVE baking. I haven’t washed for 5 days. I just don’t really care. When I really should. I don’t have a job. Still. All I keep getting is rejection emails. I’ve only had one interview. I’m letting everyone down. We’re meant to be moving out but can’t till I get a job. I’m trying. But no one seems to want me. Can’t blame them really. My brother still isn’t talking to me. Last time we spoke was my birthday 6th jan and last time I saw him was ages ago. I didn’t even see him for Christmas. I’ve messaged him several times but he’s just ignoring it. We used to be so close when I was ill but now it feels like he doesn’t care. And this is all over The fact I’m back with my ex who he doesn’t approve off because he said something in the heat of the moment when I was in ICU. he didn’t mean it. He just said it in frustration but now they (my brother and sis in law) don’t talk to me and all my sis in law does is argue with me. It’s petty. It’s immature. I’m a grown woman. I can make my own decisions. And I love my partner. He’s my soulmate. So I will be with him. They just need to accept that. But they won’t. I’m not being harsh. Out of order. Unfair or anything. I/we haven’t done anything wrong.

So all in all I’m not doing great but I’m trying. I’m trying to get up. To do stuff. To keep busy. But it’s hard. So hard.

Bloody life 

So tomorrow we lay my nan to rest. I hate life. I just want to get drunk, cry and it to not happen. I’m not ready to say goodbye to her. I’m not. I’m really not. I don’t want it to happen. Not one bit. I want her back. I want to see her again. I want to talk to her again. To cuddle her. To speak to her. To kiss her. To tell her I love her. I want her to be here. I miss her. She was my hero. I adored her. I looked up to her. I love her to pieces and I miss her so much it hurts. Life sucks. It really does. She should still be here.