Preparing for the unknown 

How do you prepare for the unknown?So tomorrow I’m off to the unit for an assessment to see if I’m fit to fly and can hold off admission for a week or if I’m unfit to fly and have to be admitted tomorrow. Either way I’m being admitted. Tomorrow or next week. Even if I pass the assessment I’m being admitted and could stay there from tomorrow. It’s all ifs and but and a hell of a lot of I don’t knows. 

How much do i pack?

What do I pack?

How long will I be in for?

Do the supply things?

Do I need this or that? 

Are the people nice?

When can people visit me?

Will I be on my own?
I’m scared, still in shock, speechless almost, don’t know what to think or make of it all. I thought it was all just a threat. But it’s reality. I can’t do this on my own and I have no choice but to be admitted full time. How did it get this bad? Will it ever get better? I’m so sorry to everyone I’ve failed or let down. I really am. I’m so sorry I’m so weak. 
How do I spend my potential last night of independence? Can I hide my laxatives in my luggage? Can I just run around? Can I really do this? Question after question no answer after no answer