Life as a fat one 

I’m fat. I have rolls. A muffin top. Love handles. You can no longer see my hips. Even when I duck my stomach in it doesn’t look how I want it to look. That’s how fat I am. I’ve gone up two dress sizes in two months. It’s out of control. I can’t cope with this. Everything I wear makes me look obese. Tight fitting clothes show of my stomach and arms so I can’t wear that and baggy clothes just make me look like I’m hiding my fat and make me look bigger. My boobs have nearly doubled In size which makes me look massive on my top half. Just everything about me is fat. I have a double chin. All the time. I have w round plump face. I have thighs that wobble and touch. I have rolls and and can pinch more than an inch. I’m obese. I’m ugly. I want to diet so bad but I can’t seem to stopEating. I’m also sick of saying up fat to friends and family and they just bat it away and say I’m not. Well I am! I bloody am! No one goes up two dress sizes as quickly as I have. I’m sick of people not listening. I see fat. It’s all I see. My eyes aren’t lying. I’m ugly. Fat. Massive. And I’d rather people agree with me than just say I’m not when I clearly am. I wish I was skinny. I wish I was bones. I wish I was back to my lowest. I wish anorexia would come back 

7 thoughts on “Life as a fat one 

  1. It sounds like you already are suffering with anorexia, it’s a mental illness, therefore definitive on weight. I don’t know you, so I can’t disagree or agree with how you feel. Maybe your body is just trying to find its set point?
    Wish you well x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your writing & feelings continue to mirror my daily battle – it’s a living hell right now & much as I know recovery & weight gain is the right option every day I detest my new shape, fat & flab!!!

    I’m told it will settle, get better & we can find peace & happiness but for now i just want anorexia back!!

    So it’s good to hear there’s someone else out there feeling the same – keep writing, keep being honest about your thoughts: it’s inspiring me to keep going!! Jx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel your pain…. if I step back and watch myself looking in the mirror then I know i am not seeing truth, but I see fat… fat everywhere… the numbers say I’m not, but to me they say I am… anorexia and bulimia are with us forever


  4. I can relate to these feelings and argh they are so hard, adjusting to new body has been one of the worst parts of recovery, and I certainly haven’t got it figured out, but it is easier than is was, so I’m just sending you a virtual hug and hoping that the pain of it all starts fading soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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