Ugly 

I’m a fat ugly greedy ****. I really am. It’s not even 9am and I’ve already eaten two bits of homemade fudge. I then tried to make myself sick. But I can’t. Why can’t I. Why!! It’s not fair. I want to. I really do. I need to. I need to learn how to make myself sick. I have to. Today’s been a disaster already. I reached for the razor already. And that was without washing. I just ran to the bathroom picked it up and sliced my arms to shred. They now sting and are covered in blood. So now I can’t get my arms out. I’ll have to hide them. I’m meant to be dating etc. But who would want to date me. They’ll see my arms and run. I’m so messed up. I really am. I need something to change. I’m just thinking of jumping. Of ending it all. 

3 thoughts on “Ugly 

  1. The funny thing about people – in my experience – is they never notice the same things you do – they never worry about the same things you do – because while you’re worrying “what if they see my arms”, they will be busy thinking “what if they see the massive spot that appeared last night”, or “what if they see that one of my eyes isn’t exactly symmetrical” – or some other notion.

    You’re lovely – but it’s no good anybody saying it – you need to figure it out – and that’s going to take time.

    Liked by 3 people

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