Anas back, well she was never gone 

So I haven’t blogged in a while. There’s no real reason to my quietness. I just haven’t felt the need to blog. Anorexia is living my new job. I go from 7 in the morning till 7 in the evening without eating a thing then I have a dinner which is more like a lunch. Ana bloody loves it. I’m struggling massively with ana later. The counting the calories had come back the frantic sit ups too. I’m doing 100-200 Sit ups daily. I’m convinced I’m fat. I sick my stomach in at every opportunity. Ana is trying to take control. And you know what. I’m letting her. I’m losing the battle I’m struggling to find the fight or the motivation to battle her. To knock her back. Instead I’m letting her walk all over me. Controlling my every thought. My every move. So that’s how I’ve been. Not great. And on top of that my depression is at an all time low. Suicidal thoughts are happening daily. My motivation is down. Everything is down. All I want to do is get drunk pass out and never wake up 

4 thoughts on “Anas back, well she was never gone 

  1. I have a very similar relationship with weight and food even though my BMI is below average. I’m terrified of gaining weight I’m with you on the suicidal thoughts too.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I’m a US size 8-10 which ix very small for someone born a male, but I gain easily and rapidly and it can cause me to not eat for days or longer. Last time it happened they were admit me, which shocked me out of it, but that’s when I was living in supportive housing


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