Alive 

I managed to stay alive last night. I managed not to do anything silly as they call it. And do I regret it. Yes. I wish I’d done it. I really do. I have nothing to live for. I’m fat. I’m ugly. I’m alone. (Beyond alone) and depressed. I only work part time I have massive money worries I’m nearly 30 and still live at home. I really do have nothing going for me at all. I went for a run this morning but it turned into more of a walk. I can’t even manage to run. That’s how pathetic I am. I wish I’d ended my life last night. I wish I’d jump I really do 

7 thoughts on “Alive 

  1. I pray that you do not end your life. You have more to live for than you realize. Everyone has something to offer. Somewhere there is someone who may need you. I learned that a long time ago. There’s no such thing as an ugly person. the only real beauty is that inner thing. Looks change with age, but inner beauty can be there for a lifetime. Hang in there. Life always changes.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I read every blog you post Hannah. I have stood where you are now. I’ve considered suicide. But something kept me here. You are not alone. Your posts always lead to people leaving kind of words of hope and support. People are reaching out to you on here. All you need do is reach back to them. I am one of them – Stephen

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Same as Stephen above ive been there. Ive attempted suicide too 5 years ago. Going for a run or walk is still better than sitting indoors doing nothing. Try walking longer or running for further its still progress. Im 40 this year and back living at my mums. It is what it is. Cheap rent so not all bad. You dont know what or who is around the corner and as the saying goes “you’re a long time dead”

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Have you ever thought about trying prayer? Some people find it helpful. If so, try by asking “Please God, take away these obsessions to (drink,eat,Ana,etc…)” “Grant me the strength to carry out thy will, not mine” or anything that might suit you 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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