Death

So today we laid my nan to rest. I know it’s a part of life but I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I miss her. I long to see her again. I love her. Adore her. She’s my hero. And she’s gone. And me. Well I’m fine on the outside but on the inside it’s a different story. Ever since last night I can’t stop thinking about suicide. It’s there. On my mind. Not at the forefront but it’s there. How I’d do it. When I’d do it. To me my life is a mess. Yes I have a family who love me and yes I have an amazing partner. But that’s it. I have no friends. I’ve just lost my nan. I’m jobless. I’m getting fatter by the day. I hate myself. I’m getting stressed and angry All the time my mood switches like a switch. And I’m starting to wonder what the point of life is. I want to move out but can’t afford it. I want a family but I’ve messed my body up I can’t get pregnant. I bring nothing to life. I just get by. I don’t bring anything I don’t enhance anyone’s life. I do t know I just feel so low. Maybes it’s because the funeral was only a few hours ago. Maybe it’s because I’ve not taken all my meds like I should have. But right now I could close my eyes and never open them again 

One thought on “Death

  1. Sorry for your loss; let yourself grieve… Let the good memories of her motivate you to live the best you can… There are still reasons to live and allow yourself to be kind to yourself along your healing journey…

    Liked by 1 person

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