Pointless 

I don’t know what to do. I’mStuck. I’m clueless. So many options. Too much to choose from. Some scary. Some “safe” to be honest I think I know what I need to do. I’m just scared. 

Edict (eating school) in other words day patient. Isn’t working. In over two months I’ve got nowhere. I’ve actually lost weight. I weigh less that what I did when I started here. How’s that possible? And mentally. Well nothing is changing. Here they don’t do one to ones. Though that’s what I really need. Here they “don’t have time”. Here they do group therapy but half the groups aren’t even eating disorder based or even mental health based. There pointless. I’ve just spent an hour debating gender and what society thinks. How’s that any help!? It doesn’t benefit me At all. It doesn’t help. It doesn’t help make sense of all the shit that’s in my head. I think I need to leave but I’m scared. I’m scared about work. About what I’ll do. I’m scared about life. I’m scared about eating. Here is a “safe” place. Life seems easy. I come in 8:30-4 go home, gym and watch tv. Then it’s bed. Simple. Easy. I don’t know what to do. I wish I knew what was next. What to do. What the future brings. I wish it was simple 

One thought on “Pointless 

  1. Hey,
    I know exactly how you feel because I’ve been there before. They put you in these groups to get you to feel comfortable about talking to other people about their issues, hoping you will learn to communicate with others about their issues as well…. I’m not agreeing with them, but I understand where they are coming from. I’m pretty sure they are probably understaffed as well. I can see both sides of the coin because I have a degree in Psychology and have been anorexic and have BPD. Right now I’m not functioning very well at all. I would just like to find a”safe place.” Have you talked to anyone on staff there about your concerns? Sometimes you can find someone who really cares enough to try to get you in a group with people who have the same issues with which you are dealing. I know that would help. I’m always on here if you just need to talk to someone you can trust on a one to one basis. I don’t need to know you to understand how you are feeling…. Trust me…. I’ve been on the brink of suicide so many times that I can’t count them. I know how it feels to want to be in a safe spot but to also realize that you’re not making any progress….I wish that I could say something to make it better or easier, but somehow you have to muddle through it and get the most out of it that you can. You do need to be outspoken about your needs and your feelings to someone there who has the authority and the capacity to help you. You should be getting more than just a “safe” feeling. Let them know how you feel…. They aren’t any more knowledgeable than you about YOU! Remember that they are supposed to be there for you… So speak out to get what you need. Remember that there are other people’s in your shoes who feel the way you do and worse every day….. You have to be proactive about your needs, or you’ll never get the help you need…. Best of luck and blessings for a bright future☘️

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