So I have it all planned if tomorrow goes how I think it will I have it all planned. Does it scare me? No. Should it? Yes. But that’s how fed up with life I am I guess. This weekend has been great. I’ve visited my brother and had a lovely time. Ana was still there. Trying to ruin my holiday. Fighting every thought was hard but I was determined it wouldn’t ruin the weekend. Every time I ate I felt guilty. I felt a fraud. I felt fat. But I did it. I was determined. And I did it. I managed to not let it ruin a day And that im proud of. I’m dreading tomorrow though. Weigh in day. Normally when it’s the weekend and I get weighed when I go back to day patient I’ve lost weight. But this time I know I will have gained weight. I know it. And I’m dreading it. I’m dreading the impact it will have on me. The way it will effect my mood. Ruin my day. Everything about it. I know I have to gain weight to leave day patient but it’s so damn scary. I don’t know what to do or how to get over This. I don’t know when the feelings will go away. People say it’s like a flick of a switch. Well I’m still waiting for mine to be flicked. When will it happen? How will it happen? I don’t know. Tomorrow isn’t going to go well. I’ve a feeling I’m going to be kicked out of day patient care. Suck a strong feeling. But if I am I have it all planned. I know what to do and how to do it. We shall see what tomorrow brings. We shall see. 
Ps I apologise of this makes no sense. I may be drunk on my own waiting for my flight home 

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