Tomorrow 

So tomorrow I start eating school. In other words tomorrow is my first day as a day patient. I’ve tried twice before. And failed. So I already know what to expect. I’m going to get there and be faced with breakfast. A meal I haven’t eaten in over a month now. It’s going to be scary. It’s going to be full on. If I fail breakfast I fail at being a day patient. I have to clear it all. Finish it in 20 minutes. Otherwise I’ll be sent home. Harsh but reality. It’s happened twice before. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. In fact I’m terrified! Already fretting over it. And that’s just breakfast. If I get through that I’ll be faced with snack, lunch and another snack. It’s terrifying. I haven’t even got there and already feel fat and greedy. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to manage. I really really don’t. I’m worried I’m going to be the biggest patient there. I’m worried they’ll all look at me and think I’m fat. I’m worried there going to talk behind my back. Bitch and gossip about me. I’m terrified of going. I feel sick already. 

Oh to top that all off I saw my care coordinator today. Told her about my suicidal thoughts. And she barely flinched. Didn’t really care. Just told me to practice mindfulness. Yeah. It’s that simple. I wish! 

2 thoughts on “Tomorrow 

  1. Hey, I made a post earlier about how I struggle to eat at times. I know it must be so difficult for you psychologically to even consider going to the eating school tomorrow, people there are in the same boat as you and can relate to your struggle. Which could be so empowering for you if you embrace it.

    Unfortunately I am not able to be offered any professional support to conquor my eating issues, but you can do it. Start strong!

    Liked by 1 person

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