So last night it took me 2 hours to get to sleep as all I kept thinking about was suicide. And overdosing. I was so close to taking an overdose. So close to popping all my medication and swallowing it. I don’t know how I didn’t. But I dig deep and stopped myself. I’m so desperate for this all to be over. So desperate for it all to end. I genuinely believe that the only solution is death. I genuinely believe that for all my problems to end I need to end my life. I don’t see any other way. I have so many problems. So many issues. And I can’t see a way out. Apart from death. Death doesn’t scare me. It should. But it doesn’t. Instead it’s a solution. A solution to end all my worries. I just can’t seem to do it. I don’t want to upset my family. I don’t want to do it to them. So instead I’ll stay with my issues. Stay with all my problems. And stay alive. For them. Not for me. When will life get better? When will I want to live? When? I don’t know. I genuinely believe I wasn’t born to live. I genuinely believe I was a mistake. I’m definitely not a success. I’m a failure. A failure of life. That’s me. A messed up human who can’t manage life. I have too many problems. Too many issues. I’m covered in scars. And that’s just the physical signs. Mentally I’m screwed. Mentally I’m messed up. No good to anyone. I’m damaged goods. Destined to be alone forever. I’m a mess. 

10 thoughts on “Suicide 

  1. Just because you don’t see your path today doesn’t mean you don’t have one! You are beautiful and loved even if it’s just a stranger like me. Sometimes the darkness is the path we choose to take and we don’t even realize it. It’s comforting, its safe. Surround yourself with positive energy, please dont give up ❤ good day love

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  2. Suicide is something that always seems like an easier option. And for different reasons and different bsckgrounds, we still have that one feeling in common. I’m not saying it is easy what your going through, I’m saying that I can relate. All these thoights, insecurities running through your head. If you eleven want to talk about it by all means let me know and we can have a chat. Don’t feel like you are alone.

    Liked by 2 people

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