Hot chocolate 

I did it. I actually did it. I reached my goal of the week and had a hot chocolate. Yes it was a skinny one but I did have marshmallows on it. And I did it. It was made so much easier by my wonderful friend who did it with me. We chatted throughout and I didn’t have time to think about it. I enjoyed it. It was nice. Until now. Until the thoughts have kicked in. The greedy fat thoughts. The ugly hideous thoughts. I’m already planning on skipping dinner tonight or if I can’t just having something tiny like soup. To counteract the hot chocolate. This isn’t normal. This annoys me. When will I be able to eat normally. And not have the thoughts afterwards? When will I be able to carry on me Day normally after having a drink or something? Why is it like this? Why do I feel like this? I hate this. I hate how it makes me feel. I hate how I have to counteract it. I hate what it does to me. I hate this voice in my head. It ruins my days. It controls my life. I hate it. 

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