I’m really not coping. I’m really struggling. I can’t cope with the mood swings. There so intense. So strong. So up and so down. Today, and it’s only 4 o’clock , I’ve wanted to die, I’ve cried , I’ve laughed , I’ve smiled , I’ve had suicidal thoughts ,I’ve been singing and laughing, I picked a knife up and wanted to cut myself, I hugged Someone and relaxed, I chatted all the way in to town, I sat in silence and wanted to hit the person next to me. I’m just all over the place. And what’s worse is that they’ve diagnosed me with this borderline personality disorder but no one has gone through it with me. No one has officially sat me down and told me. I just found out. I’ve no idea how to cope with it, what to do to combat it or fight it. And then to top everything off I receive a message. A message I shouldn’t have received. A message that messes with my head. A message that confuses me. Winds me up. Makes me angry. Makes me want to cry and scream.I just can’t deal with this all. It’s my birthday tomorrow and right now the last thing I want to do is celebrate. I feel all over the place. I’m not ready to start my next year. I’d happily not see it. I’d happily close my eye and cease existing. I really would.
Ps. Sorry for the two blogs today. Just needed to get it all out