Lonliness 

Unless you’ve truly experienced loneliness you can’t imagine what it’s like. You can’t imagine what it’s like to be on your own. To sit there and have no one. And yes. I know I have my family. I have a Mum and Dad who care about me and a lovely brother and sister in law. But apart from them it’s just me. I feel like can’t keep bothering them as they have there own lives. So I lay there. Nearly all day. In my hospital bed in hospital desperate for someone to talk to. I’m so desperate it’s awful. I lay there scrolling through dating sites. Messaging random guys as I’m so alone. Striking up conversations which go nowhere but just keep me busy. Keeps me occupied. I feel so alone. Like if I died no one would notice. That’s how alone I feel. I feel like no one would see. No one would care. If the fire alarm went off and I was stuck in the building no one would notice I was still stuck in there. I have moments in the day when I have stuff I want to talk about but no one to talk to so I sit talking to myself. The only company I have is me. This weekend has been horrendous. All my family have been busy so it’s just been me. The days have dragged. My mood has dropped. I’ve had no one. I wouldn’t wish lonliness on anyone. It’s such a horrible feeling. It’s one of the worst. I long to speak to someone. I long to have that someone special. Seeing photos of loved up people, groups of friends, babies, engagement photos, new houses, people making memories, I see it all. Then there’s me. Just me. I’m the outsider looking in on everyone’s life. And as well as being lonely. I’m now awfully jealous. Jealous of everyone’s lives. The pictures the paint. The stories they tell. The company they have the memories they make. I’m jealous of them all. I’m 27. Jealous envious lost and alone. It’s not a life worth living in purely here for the sake of my family. If I didn’t have them I’d have killed myself by now. There the only reason I’m still alive. 

7 thoughts on “Lonliness 

  1. I know it’s not the same thing, but you can also feel like the loneliest person in the world while surrounded by everybody else having a good time – that you *should* be a part of. I wish there was some kind of magic blanket that could be unfurled onto your shoulders.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I feel incredibly lonely at times and even think about suicide but I wouldn’t do it as I have teens, teens who need me but don’t know it. Teens who unintentionally can be so cruel and dismissive, and a husband who is busy with his selfish little hobbies that I am not interested in
    He’s gone for work most of the time
    I have plenty of material things
    I feel guilty for complaining
    Both my parents are dead, although I do talk to my mum sometimes. I sense her presence. I don’t reach out to anyone either! I should! But I guess I’m lonely and depressed and feel like I’m not good company
    Such an awful place to be
    Hang in there sweetheart
    Your mum loves you
    Ask her for a cuddle, she would love that

    Like

  3. Truly said, due to excessive use of technology we are not mixing up with people to a great extent and this leads to depression in some people. This causes a bad effect on the person’s health.
    To avoid this problem we should have a continuous interaction with people who are nearby us, and wont it be great if the technology helps us achieving this?
    Onata is here to provide us with lots of different services within our neighbourhood.This not only helps you with services but also helps in building good relations with your neighbours. You can signup on their app and earn $5 as a reward .

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s