I don’t really know what to blog I just know I need to blog to get my feelings out.
I feel so low. So depressed. And so fed up. I really wish Sunday had worked. I’m so fed up with my life right now. I really am. I feel so stuck. So lost. And so alone. I feel no one would even notice if I disappeared. No one would even care. There wouldn’t be an aimee shaped hole. Every body would just get on with there lives regardless.
Tonight I have to eat a roast and I’m dreading it I’m getting so worked about it. I really am. The thought is horrendous. I really don’t want to eat it. But I’ll make up for it by not having breakfast tomorrow. I don’t care anymore if I lose weight. I want to. I’m going to discharge myself from the hospital. That’s my plan. That way I can restrict and diet like mad. I’m not ready to leave but feel I have to I need to get on with my life I can’t remain in hospital forever. I need a job I need an income. I need to live. Or die. I feel I’m just stuck in the middle. In a bubble. Waiting for it to pop. I feel I’m just merely floating through life. I’m not living that’s for sure. I’m a waste of space not worthy of life. I’m pathetic. I really am. I’m lost and need to be found but don’t know where to begin