Life 

I just give up. I really do. I’m stressing over everything. From money for Christmas presents to food intake. I’m really really struggling. I was meant to meet up with this guy for coffee today but he cancelled. Surprise surprise. And then it just had a knock on effect and ruins everything. 
I’m massively struggling with food intake. I feel so guilty when I eat and food is on my mind all the time. Every minute every second it’s food. How I can dodge it how I get away with eating less. And then once I’ve eaten it’s the guilt and I feel horrific afterwards. I feel fat I feel greedy I feel ashamed I feel horrible.i don’t want to eat but know if I don’t they send me backwards in the hospital so it’s a catch 2. It’s a lose lose situation. I cant win. I eat I feel horrific and don’t eat I risk being sent backwards.  I’ve had enough I really have I just want this all to stop. My life isn’t worth anything. It really isn’t. I really want it to end. Someone to shot me someone to run me over I feel so lost. So alone. So depressed. And this time of year just  heightens all those feelings. This time of year is meant to be a jolly time spent with loved ones. You see lives up couples everywhere friends doing Christmas things families playing games. All sorts of things. My life isn’t worth living. I wouldn’t wish my life on anyone. 

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