So. I had another round of ect yesterday and it really is affecting my memeory. Not just short term either. I’m forgetting loads of things and it’s so frustrating. No one can imagine what it’s like to loose your memeory until it Happens. It’s scary. It’s strange. It’s lonely too. As I’m forgetting loads of things. There is one thing I would happily forget though but it doesn’t appear to be vanishing. I want to forget all about my controlling ex, the abusivse relationship I was in. I want that to dissapear so badly. I’d happily forget all of that. Maybe if I did forget it I’d be able to move on once and for all. Instead of forgetting where I put my shoes why can’t I forget my ex. Just if we could pick and chose 

I have had 4 ects now and they want me to have a minimum of 6. It’s not getting easier. It’s getting harder. I cry every time and come round not knowing where I am or why I’m here so my brother has to call me up each time to exponent. It’s very scary. I’m getting headaches where I’m cramping my jaw shut tight it’s horrible. And on top of my ect I now have the dietician on my back checking every inch of my menu to make sure I’m eating enough to put weight on. What she doesn’t know is I’m lying on my menu. I write down what she wants to see and what they think I’m going to eat then I don’t eat it and do my own thing. I’m really really in a pickle I’m stuck. And I don’t know how to get out. 

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