I’m really really really struggling. It’s 3pm as I sit and write this and I haven’t eaten since 6pm last night. And that was only 350 calories. I’ve also taken two laxatives and walked nearly 3 miles. I’m really really really struggling.
I have my amazing brother and sister in law but can’t help but miss my ex. He got me like know one else. I don’t know if it’s him I miss or just the boyfriend part. But I miss it none the less.
I can’t eat. I’ve made my dinner today. Knowing it should be 500 plus and knowing I’ve only just reached 300. I can’t even bring myself to have a skinny latte in costa. I’ve gone for the Americno. No Milk. No calories. This is how much I’m struggling. All day today I’ve had suicidal thoughts. I nearly accidentally got hit by a car earlier. That would have been great. I keep thinking about walking out into the road with out looking. Or going to the local train station. Or finding a very high window to jump out of. Theses thoughts are constant. Always going on in my mind. Getting worse and worse and worse. I walked across the field today crying my eyes out for no reason. I’m so tearful. So depressed. So alone and so upset. I went out last night with friends but felt I was just Ib the way and that they didn’t scarily want me there. If I sit down and look at my lief and how many friends I acatully have it’s next to none. No one would care if I did die. My funeral would be epmty. No one would show. No one would care .