I’m really really really struggling. It’s 3pm as I sit and write this and I haven’t eaten since 6pm last night. And that was only 350 calories. I’ve also taken two laxatives and walked nearly 3 miles.  I’m really really really struggling. 

I have my amazing brother and sister in law but can’t help but miss my ex. He got me like know one else. I don’t know if it’s him I miss or just the boyfriend part. But I miss it none the less. 

I can’t eat. I’ve made my dinner today. Knowing it should be 500 plus and knowing I’ve only just reached 300. I can’t even bring myself to have a skinny latte in costa. I’ve gone for the Americno. No Milk. No calories. This is how much I’m struggling. All day today I’ve had suicidal thoughts. I nearly accidentally got hit by a car earlier. That would have been great. I keep thinking about walking out into the road with out looking. Or going to the local train station. Or finding a very high window to jump out of. Theses thoughts are constant. Always going on in my mind. Getting worse and worse and worse. I walked across the field today crying my eyes out for no reason. I’m so tearful. So depressed. So alone and so upset. I went out last night with friends but felt I was just Ib the way and that they didn’t scarily want me there. If I sit down and look at my lief and how many friends I acatully have it’s next to none. No one would care if I did die. My funeral would be epmty. No one would show. No one would care . 

12 thoughts on “Untitled. 

  1. Hey,
    Life isn’t easy, everyone likes to think that it is, but things don’t work out that way unfortunately. All we can do is take it one day at a time. While you may think that no one would care if you were gone, I find this hard to believe, I say that speaking from experience. While it sounds dreadful, it’s only when we are gone that people realise how much we do and how important we are.
    Take every day as it goes and it will get better eventually 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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