So last night I met up with my friends and we went out. It didn’t really go to plan. I just came back feeling extremely low and depressed and suicidal. I wanted to chuck myself out of my friends window or In front of the train. I still do. This ect isn’t making anything better. It’s just making it all worse. I forget things I’ve organised and have no reclamation of it at all. So I’m cancelling people last minute. As I forgot. It’s stupid. I’m not feeling better at all. I haven’t eat at all today and yesterday I skipped lunch and had a light dinner. My plan is to not eat till I get back to the hospital. There gonna find out. My weights gonna have gone down. I’m screwed. I just can’t help it. I can’t help how I feel. I don’t want to feel like this. I’m not choosing to feel like this. I just do. I just feel so rubbish. So alone. So depressed and so fed up. I’m stuck.