What a day today has been. I had my first treatment of ect today and it was horrendous. I woke up with no memory of where I was, why I was where I was or anything of the day at all.
I can say that losing your memory is one of the scariest things ever. I had no recollection of anything and my memory is still very hazy. It’s extremely scary and upsetting. They want me to have another session Friday. I know I was never going to get results instantly but instead of making me better it’s made me worse. Well today anyway. I’m very depressed. Very confused. Very tearful. And still in pain from it. I must have clenched my jaw shut as it’s agony.
On top of all of that I also heard from the job interview I went to. I built it up and stupidly led myself to beleive I was going to get it. But today I heard back and I didn’t. I was apparently pipped to the post by someone else. I A) feel like a failure and B) feel stupid for letting myself get my hopes up.
My mum came straight up and my brothers been amazing. So one thing from today is I know just how much my family love me and I’d be lost without them. I’m so grateful for them. Today needs to be over. So does m life really. I could happily go to a sleep and never wake up. We’ll see if I’m lucky enough for that to happen.