So today I had lovely morning with my mum. We chatted about me being here and my problems. Which was nice to chat about. She seemed to understand where I was coming from. But most of all it was nice to just chat about it and be able to.
I then went off to my new job volunteering in the local charity shop. And it was nice to feel normal and get away from the ward.
There the good points. The bad points. Well they seem to hang around longer and have more of an impact that the good parts. One of the patients had a go at me and swore at me. When I accidentally used her tea towel. I genuinely didn’t know it was hersbakd she went mad. This completely ruined my mood. Then there’s the overwhelming feeling of loneliness. It’s horrible. I stare at my phone waiting for someone to message me. But nothing. I feel so alone. I know I have my family but this doesn’t hide the loneliness feeling. And then there’s the meeting I had with the dietician. It didn’t go that well. I was honest though. I said I was massively struggling with snacks and desserts and had been cutting corners here there and everywhere. From not using butter to not having a main dessert. She pretty much gave me the equivalent of a slapped wrist and mentioned progression. The ward below me. I begged her not to send me backwards. She assured me she wouldn’t but I have a week to prove I can stick to the menu and not cut corners.
I’m honest though. And I’m eating my way out of here. That’s the only reason I’m eating. So I can restrict asap. I’m desperate to restrict!!
So anyway. Enough rambling. That’s my day. Ups downs positives and negatives. A right mix of emotions.