Karma 

So today I started work in a charity shop. Something to pass the time. Something good to do. Something meaningful. You’d think This would mean good karma. But no. Instead I’m sitting here writing this feeling like I’ve just been used and cast aside. 

Saturday I had a third date with a guy I stupidly let myself really like. I was getting really excited about where it was going I was already planning his birthday etc etc so Saturday came around and we spent the evening at his and he dropped me back Sunday morning. And nothing. I haven’t heard from him. So I messaged and he he finally replied. Ditching me. This is all I ever get. People always ditch me. Cast me aside. Use me. Forget about me. Use me for my good nature. Take advantage of it. I feel like a mug. I feel so stupid. I feel so hurt. 

Today’s been hard. I’ve cried my eyes out to my consultant. The anorexic thoughts are still so strong. I watched a documentary last night about anorexia and I’m jealous of how thin the girls were. I longed to be that thin. To restrict. To loose weight. And now this. This just hits home how worthless j am. I really am. I mean nothing to anyone 

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