It really is me. 

So I connect myself to every bad thing that has happened. There fore it is me. I am the underlying thing. What is so wrong with me. If I wasn’t me none of these things would have happened. None. 

1. Broke up with my ex. My fault. I was ill. We argued all the time. Beacaue of food. Because of my illness. I drove us apart. I caused all the problems. 

2. My mum had a car accident. My fault. If I wasn’t in here she wouldn’t have driven the way she drove. If I didn’t need to stop off to phone the hospital it wouldn’t have happened. 

3. My brother gets hit by a car on the way to have a meeting about me. My fault. If I wasn’t in hospital he wouldn’t have been travelling at that time along that route. 

4. Being in hospital. If I wasn’t me. If I wasn’t weak. I would have been able to avoid being admitted if I was strong enough and not weak I would not be in here. 

5. Being a burden. If I wasn’t in hospital my mum my brother all my family wouldn’t have to worry about me. They wouldn’t have had to drive miles to see me they wouldn’t have to constantly check I’m ok. They wouldn’t have to do endless amounts of visits. They would just be able to get on with there lives if I wasn’t here. If I could eat. 

There’s so many more things. But it all boils down to me being me. If I wasn’t me none of this wouldn’t have happened. I hate me. I detest me. I’m horrible. I hate me with a passion 

4 thoughts on “It really is me. 

  1. Hating yourself is the easiest thing to do. I know it may be hard right now, but maybe write one positive thing about you… It could be the simplest of things… Like the fact you can express yourself so well in writing. Stick it on a mirror somewhere and always read it and remind yourself that in all these bad things… You have a good side too. Goodluck

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As much as I understand your point of view, I can also very much relate to people who care about you. I doubt they treat you as a burden. I could give you counterarguments to every single one of your points, but that would make me a hypocrite. Stay strong x

    Liked by 1 person

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