I’m the problem. 

It’s clear my biggest problem is me. I’m my own worst enemy. I’ve caused this. I deserve this. It’s all me. I really wish I wasn’t here. I really wish this would end. I genuinely don’t know how much more of life I can do. No matter how I feel I always have this underlying feeling. The feeling that I shouldn’t be here. I don’t believe I was made for life I don’t believe I was made to live. I’m not living in merely existing. I’m a failure of life.all of this is because of me. People paint me out to be a bitch and the more they say it the more I believe it. Maybe I am a bitch. Maybe I did use them. Maybe I handled it all wrong. Maybe this is all karma. Maybe I am nasty. The more I hear these things the more I believe it all. I’m sick of feeling like this. I want to be discharged but what’s the point. I’ll just go back to restricting and be alone. Wherever I am I’m always alone. I’m destined to be alone. What’s so wrong with me no one will talk to me. I’ve just sat crying my eyes out. And instead of someone asking how I am and have to go and seeks someone for a cuddle. For reassurance. Life is so lonely. I’ve made mistakes I’m only human. I don’t think I am horrible but the more I hear it the more I believe it and the effect it has on me is so damaging. It ruins my day it effects me so much. I’m so fat I’m so massive I weigh loads I have this on my mind all day every day and then all the other stuff. I’m surprised I haven’t shrunk with all the shit weighing me down. I really am done. I can’t even win at anorexia and not eat. I’ve failed at anorexia I’m massive. I eat. I’m failing that I can’t even succeed in that. What a pathetic excuse of a human being I am. 

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