So I’m home leave all this weekend and it’s been great to be away from the hospital and to feel slightly normal. I’m dreading tomorrow and going back but at the same time seeking the comfort. I hate to admit that. But it’s weird being away from there. It feels like I’m on holiday. Or floating in a bubble. It doesn’t feel real.
I didn’t really manage to skip too much yesterday. I swapped a main for a light and skipped all my snacks. Today I’ve managed to skip two snacks and dessert and tomorrow I know I can easily skip lunch, possibly breakfast, two snacks and swap my main for a light. When will this stop! When will I not want to restrict. I literally detest my body. It’s horrendous. It’s ghastly. It’s ugly. Today I’m squeezed into a size 6 pair of jeans. Remembering when they used to be far too big and missing that. I look at my stomach now and miss how it used to go in. Now it goes out and is scarred all over.
Anyway. Today’s been lovely. The weekend in general has. I’ve seen my grandparents, seen my best mate, and spent today at the seaside with my mum and dad. We walked all the way from frinton to Walton and back and I’m very pleased we’ve done over 10000 steps. Burning off the sandwich I had to eat!