Today I received the worst news ever. My grandad. Who I adore. Has cancer. I’m crushed. I’m speechless. Im lost for words. He’s my world I admire my grandparents so much. This is the worst news ever. 

It puts into perspective how pathetic I am. And how stupid. How weak and How selfish I am. Here I am in hospital wasting my life all beacaue I fail at eating after a few hard moments in my life. Nothing extreme. Nothing too terrible. And there’s my grandad who is the happiest go lucky man there is. Friends with everyone and would do anything for anyone. There he is living his life to the full. Hasn’t done anything wrong and gets dealt the cancer card. I’m in here and my mum has to worry about me when she’s just found out her dad is ill. I’m being selfish. I shouldn’t be a worry. I shouldn’t be a burden. No one should give me the time. My grandad needs everyone not me. I’m a selfish lazy stupid idiot of a human being who has messed up my own life. I deserve nothing. I deserve to be dealt a bad hand. Not my grandad. My grandad doesn’t deserve this. He’s the kindest loveliest person. He’s truly inspirational. He’s amazing. I’d take it away from him if I could. Id have it. I deserve it. Not him 

One thought on “Devastated 

  1. You are not selfish. You need help just as much as your granddad does. Please don’t let this guilt wear you down. I am so sorry about your Gran. He sounds like a lovely person. I am also sorry you feel this way. I was where you are last night, so I completely relate.

    Liked by 2 people

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