Anxiety. 

So it would appear I suffer from anxiety. I really didn’t think I was an anxious person. But I am. 

Today I travelled to Canterbury to stay with a friend and have a night out. 

I’m anxious about staying. 

I’m anxious over going out

I’m anxious about the food 

I’m anxious about my outfit. 

I’m anxious about being social. 

I nearly had a meltdown in m and s choosing dinner. I was sweating and shaking. I didn’t sleep last night I was so anxious over this weekend.  I should be enjoying it not being anxious. I’ve got butterflies in my stomach all the time. I feel shaky and nervous. It’s nothing new. I used to go out before but this illness, this stay in hospital had done this too me. I’m terrified of wearing my tight dress. Terrified people will think I’m fat. Terrified of seeing my stomach. I feel so anxious! The nerves aren’t going. 

2 thoughts on “Anxiety. 

  1. I used to think I was the most calm and serene person around. I actually felt bad for my friends who had anxiety. Then I tried recovery and discovered that the reason I was so calm was a lifetime of ED behavior, duh. So yeah, add anxiety to the pile. That was a while ago so I’ve been aware of it for a couple of years. There are many skills that can be used and even more that every single person you know will suggest… okay, maybe not everyone but that’s what it felt like to me. Here is ultimately what I learned. No one else’s solution was going to work for me, no matter how good it sounded or how much I tried. I had to figure it out on my own through trial and error. Once I quit trying all their suggestions and started doing simple things that worked for me, it got better. Everyone says breathe, breathe, breathe… It pissed me off after awhile. I knew it was helpful but I couldn’t figure out how to make it work for me, then I did. I need visual cues so I made one so that every time I saw that or every time I made a certain gesture it would tell my brain to breathe. Anxiety short circuits my brain so I had to train myself like a Pavlovian dog experiment, lol. To each their own I suppose.

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