Fat greedy pig. 

That’s me. I’m a fat greedy pig. Massive. Round and fat. But above all greedy. 

I always finish first at meal times and snack times. And have to wait 10-15 for others to finish. I don’t have most of the bad behaviours regarding food that the other patients have. Today everyone struggled at dinner. One patient walked away and left there meal. Where there is me eating mine and finishing it all. Then sit and wait for everyone to finish. 

Im not anorexic. I’m a fat greedy pig. I feel disgusting. I feel a fraud. I feel greedy. I am greedy. Im disgusting and a failure of a person. I always fail at everything so it’s no surprise I’m still failing. I scant even be anorexic anymore. I’m just a fat fucked up greedy human being who isn’t worth anything and doesn’t deserve anything. 

3 thoughts on “Fat greedy pig. 

  1. Hi again, we have our bad days when it’s hard and I feel like that right now even though I know I deserve to eat and will feel better and healthier as a result. Even so I can’t let go of the good feelings of restricting and being skinny and get so depressed when I eat even the smallest amount!!!! So silly!!! My holiday seems revolve around fitting in my meals plans!!!! Can’t even eat a whole ice cream – I have to portion it up and store it in the freezer!!! But I’ve eaten my yogurt & fruit breakfast and mindfully enjoyed my coffee already this morning!!!

    I have started a journal and as I need to see things in black & white and love writing I am working through an e book called Self love: 30 day challenge which is helping me to re plan and re write my life and who I am to give me something to aim for as I recover.
    I like you feel I have nothing to get better for as though I am technically married and have grown up children they are not really showing any support to my recovery. This approach is helping, sets me small challenges and is re shaping who I can be. Simple things such as my clothes, my hobbies, my relationships ( or lack of them right now!!) As I’m not working and may never go back it will cost me nothing as £ will be tight but I’m excited at the person I could be without my ED. (well some of the time!!)

    Hope you have a better day today, be kind to yourself. Take care

    Liked by 1 person

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