Left behind. 

I’ve always felt like I’ve been left behind. The one that’s forgotten about. The one know one notices. Partly because I’ve always felt my parents favoured my brother, partly. To do with friendships and lack of them. Or the Ines I had leaving me out and cutting me out of there life’s. Dropping me and forgetting about me. Always cancelling on me always leaving me out. 

And to this day I still feel left behind. Fiends just drop me and forget about me. They no longer include me. I text them and they don’t reply. They don’t message me. I’m just cast aside. Everyone I know is either pregnant, engaged or getting a house together. And I’m stuck in hospital all because I couldn’t do a basic function and eat. It’s pathetic. I’m a pathetic ezcuSe of a human being who is now getting fat. I have rolls my belly pertudes and apart from my amazing brother and sister in law and my one true friend I’m alone and forgotten about. I have no idea what life is. I merely exist. And right now I’m struggling to see why I exist. What is the point. 

Anorexia gave me purpose. It gave me a reason it made me feel good at something now that’s going it’s taking away everything and I feel lost. Totally lost and I don’t know where to go or what to do. 

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6 thoughts on “Left behind. 

  1. Hey. Chin up. You don’t need anorexia to give you purpose, though I totally understand why you feel that way – I too saw my mental as something I’m good at, something that made me unique. But then I realised I have tonnes of things that make me unique. Try as think about what makes you unique.

    And don’t worry about friends – people come and go, it’s just about making the most of the present day.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Stay positive! I totally understand your feelings right now and am going through the same issues in letting Anorexia go! Some days I can and some I simply can’t face life without the security of it. It will happen for you though – allow yourself time and space.

    Your blog has inspired my own battle no end, you are frank, honest and genuine and will be loved for these qualities. There are plenty of friends out there for you in the wider world – just keep believing!!

    Thank you so much………

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. I dint feel like an inspiration at all! So I’m shocked to read that. Thank you for your kind words. Thank you.
      I’m here if you ever need a chat or anything. Keep
      Fighting. We will get there

      Like

  3. One of my goals in treatment is to find a way to embrace being healthy. I feel best when I’m in a completely restricted state. To me, what others would call “sick” is actually normal for me. It’s been too long like that. When I’m in a healthy state I don’t know what to do or how to be. It’s difficult but I think, perhaps, that is something we both need to cultivate?

    Liked by 1 person

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