Cutting the tether 

So I need to cut the tether. But I’m scared. People ask me if I want to get better. Of course I do. I dont want to remain like this. But this is easy. It’s easier to remain like this than recover. Recovery is hard. It’s not just that though. It’s life. Anorexia covered up problems and shielded me. It controlled me ever hour of every day. It took everything from me but gave me a purpose and a direction. And now I’m fighting it it is shouting at me that I’m failing. I’m so scared of recovery. I want a new life I want a future but I’m petrified. It’s like learning to walk all over again. My security blankets that I’ve cocooned myself in for the past year are slowly shirking and exposing me. But I’m scared I don’t know who I am and I have to start from scratch. I’m like the butterfly coming out of the cocoon. Wondering what to expect and what this new life. 
So yes I do want to get better. I’m just scared. But everyday I fight and I Shink the blanket day by day. It may only be a tiny but each day. But a bit is a bit 

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2 thoughts on “Cutting the tether 

  1. You are making the same decision every day to fight this illness but the right decision every day. I’ve just posted a blog about making difficult decisions before it gets too late. Keep making good decisions and one day soon the blanket will be gone forever.

    Liked by 1 person

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