I can’t see the light 

I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is no light. I feel like I’m floating, like I’m in a nightmare waiting to me pinched out of it. I feel like I’m in a bubble waiting for it to pop. What is life?? 

I feel like I’m stuck in no mans land. Yes I’m alive but I’m not living I’m just alive. Stuck. Glued down in a spot all on my own, lost

I now have staff to make me shower. I haven’t showered since Saturday despite night sweats and everything I can’t bring myself to stand in he shower so I now it’s been written in my care plan for staff to encourage me to shower come and get me and make me shower. How pathetic is that! And 27 year old who can’t shower. 

I feel like I’m making no progress. Yes I’m piling on the pounds but other that that I’m not. They haven’t given more freedom really just one measly hour. Yet all I do is comply and do everything I should!! People who skip groups etc get more rewarded than me. 

Life sucks. That’s it. Well I say life but this isn’t life. So this sucks. I suck. 

4 thoughts on “I can’t see the light 

  1. It’s so hard! Is this your first treatment program? I’m trying to get back into the one I was in earlier this Spring. The fear of what I’ll go through, like you, is less than the fear I might die. It’s so uncomfortable I know. It’s so hard to keep perspective but I hope you can find your way to seeing a tiny bit of it.

    I have a big post-it sign in my kitchen that says, “You can do hard things.”

    Showers… Okay, I’m going to share something I don’t admit to anyone. I keep a little pad of paper in my bathroom to mark down when I take a shower so that I can make sure not too much time goes by. It’s a habit from when I was depressed but it also has to do with my body image. I feel so much better after a shower so I don’t know why I have to make myself do it!!!


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