I’m struggling massively with my body image lately. I haven’t showered all week as I can’t bare the thought of my naked body and feeling and seeing my stomach. When I get dressed I close my eyes and suck in my stomach. Only opening my eyes when my top or dress is on and covering my stomach. I suck my stomach in all day and my when I sit down my thighs are massive. I saw my reflection today in the shop windows and I didn’t scream skinny it screamed fat. I exercise secretly at all opportunites and use my hour unescorted leave yo constantly walk. I’m paranoid I’m getting massive. I really am.
I have the urge to hurt myself but my razors got taken away again and I’m scared if I shower and ask for one to genuinely shave I might do something else. So I’m avoiding that to. And trying other distractions like elastic bands.
All I do is eat sleep eat sleep eat sleep repeat. I don’t get a chance to do much else as after supervison I exercise it have my hour out then it’s food again.
This isn’t life