Life is literally a rollercoaster 

One day I feel ok. Never good as such but ok and the they next I feel awful. 

Today I’ve spent the day in tears dreading all the food taking forever on menu choice, debating which drink is healthier or less guilty. Today it took me forever to dress. Going through a million options each showing off my belly so o end up going for shorts which I know are too big and a baggy top. I’m drained of feeling like this. I just don’t see the point. Tomorrow my breakfast increases I have no motivation I just sleep eat and secretly exercise. The books the wordsearches the dvds the magazines all remain untouched. I just can’t find it in me to do anything. Every time after supervison finishes I exercise. And feel guilty if I don’t. Supervision I try to sleep or just stare into space. Then it’s food again.  It’s not a log. The groups are hard the one to ones are hard. It’s all hard. And today relaxation group was taken over by a very distressed patient who screamed and screamed and screamed and had to be restrained. That’s upsetting and I’m no where near that stage so why am I here 

One thought on “Life is literally a rollercoaster 

  1. This is an excellent title for what I’m going through too, ugh. Last Monday I asked the therapist (in group) how do we put ourselves back together again after being ripped apart in group? I can’t just snap it off and go home. It’s one reason I had such a dreadful weekend. I hope she does more on the topic, like she said. It’s so hard for me – go to group 3 times and week, then try to live a normal life… oh, and eat and not exercise. What does one do? It was way worse when I was in treatment so totally understand your dilemma.

    “It’s all hard.”

    Exactly! One option she mentioned was going to a safe place, in my head, after group. My safe place is easy. If you look at the new page I made At the Stables, it’s the one where I’m hugging Snowflake. I always forget to do this though so I’m going to write myself a note today and stick it in my car for when I leave.

    Do you have a safe place you can go to in your head? Before this one, mine was being in my bed, under all the covers, warm and in the dark. I felt like it was a hiding place. I’ll still use it when I feel like I need to hide. I hope it works. If it does I suppose I’ll write a post about it, lol.

    Hang in there. We can do this together!


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