One day I feel ok. Never good as such but ok and the they next I feel awful.
Today I’ve spent the day in tears dreading all the food taking forever on menu choice, debating which drink is healthier or less guilty. Today it took me forever to dress. Going through a million options each showing off my belly so o end up going for shorts which I know are too big and a baggy top. I’m drained of feeling like this. I just don’t see the point. Tomorrow my breakfast increases I have no motivation I just sleep eat and secretly exercise. The books the wordsearches the dvds the magazines all remain untouched. I just can’t find it in me to do anything. Every time after supervison finishes I exercise. And feel guilty if I don’t. Supervision I try to sleep or just stare into space. Then it’s food again. It’s not a log. The groups are hard the one to ones are hard. It’s all hard. And today relaxation group was taken over by a very distressed patient who screamed and screamed and screamed and had to be restrained. That’s upsetting and I’m no where near that stage so why am I here