So just a little update guys:

They have a New bed for me. On Wednesday I’m off to my new hospital. It’s apparently more hospital like and more firmer. My support worker thinks this is what I need. And if I’m Honest me too. At the moment I’m Feeling ok about it. My support worker made it clear if I don’t go I’ll have to have the mental health assessment and will be sectioned. I walked in yesterday and she said I’ve found a you a bed. She then weighed me and I asked if I still had to go. Yes. I then asked again. Yes. And then said if I eat so I have to. Yes. Yes I have to go. 

I’m hoping this place will help. I know I need firmer, somewhere I can’t sneak laxatives in and hide them so I can take them daily, somewhere that makes me go to the table and doesn’t give up just like tjat. I know I do. But I still don’t think I’m ill. I’m Fine to walk and skip meals. I feel fine. It’s hard. I think I’m well I don’t think I’m Ill but I know my eating won’t change without help and I recognise in some respects I need help. 

So I’ve 4 days to go. Four days till I’m re-admitted. Last time I was admitted I didn’t eat before I went in. I’ve been told to not that again as i will knock myself back but it’s so hard. In my head I’m fine and fat so I need to starve myself and get myself as small as possible before I go in. But I will try to eat. I will try. 
Hope your all ok and happy weekend guys x

13 thoughts on “Update 

  1. I’m glad to hear that. As hard as it will be, it will be worth it. Just embrace it. Believe in you and claim your life back. There is no tomorrow, only the next minute and so on. I’m rooting for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah that’s the problem
      I had! I would leave the table after 2 mins or even not sit down! And they didn’t bother.
      Off to one of the priory groups
      Hope you find somewhere soon xx


  2. I know this will sound weird but I’m so happy for you! I’m glad you had a moment of clarity to see what you needed. Trust me, once you get there you’ll probably freak out. If you do. That Is Normal. Trust me on that.
    Honestly, looking back, I wish I had gone to a residential hospital before going into the program I went to. Then I could have transferred to that place and finally to iOP where I am now. I was a basket case honestly, but it is what it is. Everyone’s path moves in a different way but hopefully all our pathes move in the same direction.

    Thank you for updating. Starting to eat before arriving in a program does make it easier but I don’t know a single person who did that, including me, lol. You’re not alone in your pre-program thoughts.

    Last Thursday one of the girls in my iOP group was going into a program starting, well, today actually. Another person told her to eat before going, etc, etc. I didn’t. What would be the point? So what I did do was write her an “emotional emergency” poem to be opened whenever things got too difficult. Just encouragement and such. I didn’t get any of that so I give it out in spades to others, knowing how important and meaningful it is.

    So, is it tomorrow you’re going or Wednesday?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m staying compliant, and have been. But tonight we got a new girl in to iOP and at dinner she just pushed her food around. It’s usually allowed the first night but it’s so triggering to me, especially because I feel so massive these days. I actually had to get up and leave till everyone was done. Normally it isn’t this hard but I think it’s because I’m under so much stress lately. Sometimes it’s just one meal at a time.

        You’re 5 hrs ahead of me so I’ll still be sleeping when you go, assuming you’re going in the morning. I’ll send my well wishes now. Just hang in there. My therapists only advice to me before going into the program was, “Just stay.” Good advice, I’m glad I did. It was hard but worth it. You can do this too!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I find that so triggering for me! But you did well! And it doesn’t matter how long it took it or if you had to leave till everyone was done. But you did it. And your trying 🙂

        Thank you!! One meal at a time. One step after a step

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Stay strong – there are lots of us out here who know exactly what you are going through and are rooting for you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel honestly and things do get better and easier. Reading your blog takes me back to how I was a few short months ago and I have come such a long way since then with the help and care of the wonderful staff at the hospital I attend. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Means a lot. I really appreciate it! You stay strong too. I’ve been reading through your blogs and can relate to quite a few things so sending you well wishes and keep fighting! Your a strong person x


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