So today I left. Well got granted leave. Against doctors orders. It was that or I discharged myself. So after several discussions, an escape, a night away from that place and more discussions with consultants and support workers they agreed to grant me leave for the weekend. They said it’s un-advisable and against doctors ordeds as I’m medical too unfit and unwell (I’m fine, that’s nonsense) but if this is the only way to potentially get me to stay then they will grant me this. 

The hope is I use this weekend to clear my head after an extremely tough and traumatic week there. They hope I realise that I need there help. That I am ill. That I need that place. And that I will stay. They hope that if I mange to stick to the meal plan in place I will come back and stay there to get the best recovery of they hope if I fail to eat this weekend tjat I will realise I’m so Ill I need there help. Basically they hope it finally hits me this weekend that I need them. There not the enemy. There here to help. It’s not prison. It’s hospital. There here to help. That’s what they hope. 

I’m trying to remain open minded. Taking each meal time by meal time. Not looking too far ahead and not thinking about going back to “prison” yet. I needed to get out of there. I ran out twice I was shouting at staff daily, so angry at them , not eating, losing weight, running up stairs when I’m on no stair access. Just rebelling at every opportunity. I wasn’t doing it. I was getting worse. So them and me hope that this leave will help. It’s been a horrendous week. And a crazy 24 hours but hopefully this will be the turn around I need. I hope so. We shall see. 

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