Snack….

So I don’t really find any meal times ‘easy’ but I guess that’s why I’m in here. If I did then I’d be fine and wouldn’t need to be an inpatient or even have an eating disorder. I do however find some meal times easier than others and I find some extremely hard. Snacks being the worst, snacks being near impossible. So the routine is breakfast (cereal) then snack (smoothie/milkshake/or the worst…..home baking) then it’s lunch (cooked meal)  followed by snack which is half snack at the moment (300ml of juice and half a snack, cereal bar, crisps or chocolate) followed by supper then another snack (300ml juice or 200ml milk)

My nemesis is the snacks. I’m more scared of snack than death. I’ve got into the habit of downing the juice at bed time. As this means I get off supervision sooner and can go to bed sooner. Morning snack is very hit and miss, sometimes it’s done in a second sometimes I just can’t do it. If it’s home baking then I’m screwed. I just can’t eat a cake or something. No way. But the biggest hurdle snack wise is afternoon snack. 300ml of juice and half a cereal bar or similar. I’ve barely managed to complete it in the two weeks I’ve been here. The word snack is horrible. I don’t need a snack. I struggle with breakfast lunch and supper let alone coping with snacks. Snacks is something that if people diet they cut out, snacks aren’t essential , snacks are treats and I don’t want or need a treat. I can’t seem to get over this hurdle. And then today the support worker saw me struggle and gently went to run my arm. Well that was it. I was off. I find that so patronising I don’t need a gentle pat. I’ve told them this. So that was done. I walked off. Another snack failed. Yet again. It’s so hit and miss. God knows how I’ll cope when all my other meals increase to include ‘afters’ like yoghurts and fruit. I’m already dreading that. Already fearing that. I struggled to take the first increase from 1/4 to 1/2. But one day at a time I guess. One meal time by one meal time. 

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2 thoughts on “Snack….

  1. I agree with MQR, it does get easier. I hated the 3 meals and 3 snacks and honestly, I simply don’t eat that way when I’m home. When they found out I was awake at 3am (still was having problems with sleeping) they gave me an additional snack! I tried to negotiate saying that I could eat half my breakfast early then ½ at the normal time. At first I was allowed to do that but then one of the staff intervened and said I needed a whole additional snack – ugh. Anyway, all that to say I do understand.

    When I was discharged I asked if I could go back to eating small meals throughout the day. I live by myself so labels like breakfast, lunch and dinner are meaningless. They were fine with the change, surprisingly, as long as I ate all the food. Eating is still hard but the program gave me the “habit” of eating back. It replaced my habit of not eating. Right now you are developing a habit of eating. Some of us can’t do it without outside help. I’m glad you’re somewhere that you can get that even if it is super hard.

    Hang tough my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

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