Just a mini blog……..
Each day I’m learning this is harder than I thought. YesterdY was the lowest and toughest day I had. I won’t go in to details but I ran out of the hospital and ran away…..only to walk back in 30 minutes later. That’s how much of a failure I am. I can’t evidence run away I come walking back. That’s how f****d up I am.
Every time I smile I feel guilty, I wash my hair I feel guilty, I eat I feel guilty. I feel fat, I see fat, I feel disgusting, horrendous, hideous. And fat. I don’t seem to be getting anywhere. I seem to just be stuck. Stuck staring, stuck isolated, stuck here. I hate it.
My head is messed up. It’s all over the place. I hear voices, I get so much vent up anger and agitation, my mind is in over drive. I had to cover my ears Earlier from the noise. But the noise was my head. I’m going mad. I swear. I don’t know what to do how to win how to even start my recovery. I just don’t know