Today, day 7 of being and impatient and it’s the first day I’ve washed my hair. The first day I’ve felt marginally clean marginally fresh. The first day I came downstairs and spoke to the nurse as I took my medication. The first day of hopefully many. But it’s so hard so confusing.
I’ve done this. I washed my hair but it feels wrong. It feels so wrong. I’m disobeying Annie. She likes the fact I haven’t washed I haven’t clean I’m down and moody but I wash my hair and she hates me. She’s annoyed at me she’s angry at me. But all I did was wash my hair. It feels good but yet so wrong how can it be this hard. I’m so confused as in what to do. This fight has only just started. It really isn’t as simple as I though. It’s not as simple as eating. It’s the mental battle. The battle you have every time you mange a smile the fight you have with yourself every time you do something normal. Annie is tough she is so strong but can I be stronger. I don’t know. I’m fighting. I’m trying. But I don’t feel I’m getting anywhere. My head feels worse. It’s all over the place. I’m scared. Annie’s been my best friend my comfort blanket and now I’m losing her I’m losing it. How can be this hard. I’m scared but I’m fighting. I am. I’m trying.