The worst day 

Today has been the worst worst worst day. Ever. The worst. 

Today was admission day. My admission time moved backwards due to an eventful evening last night and I tried to get out of being admitted today but that didn’t work. I was then all packed and just heading off to then get the news a family friend who was like a nan to me had passed away. And then I still had to go a get admitted. 

So here I am. Sitting in the lounge. In “supervision” after taking an hour and half to eat my way through one half of a tuna wrap. I did it. I only ate it to shut the support worker up who just kept patronising me. “This is your medicine” “just start” “your body needs this” over and over and over again. 

I’m now sitting here frantically jiggiling away not sure what to feel or think. I’ve too many emotions too many thoughts to even make sense. I just want to sleep. Sleep forever. And ever. And ever. And not be here. Not be here not be here in prison trapped all independence gone. 

2 thoughts on “The worst day 

  1. Food is medicine, yes. That is how I have to think about it. I forget like all the time and still rail against it but I feel the only way I personally am going to continue to recover is to keep that in mind. A diabetic needs insulin, an anorexic needs food. Does it suck? Absolutely! When I was in someone gave me a tip of finding a song I like and changing all the words to “chew”. When I was eating I would sing, in my head, “chew, chew, chew….” to get through the meal. I knew she was doing it too and that made it somehow better.

    I’m super proud of you for making it through your first meal boy the way!

    Liked by 1 person

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