Actually felt sacred yesterday 

So yesterday was just like any other day. I was meant to be on bed rest. I wasn’t. I was meant to complete a 6 step meal plan. I didn’t. 

Instead I completed 1-2 steps of the meal plan, successfully snuck out for a walk and not so successfully ended up in A&E. 

I went to see my support worker like I do twice a week. The normal, how are you? Have you eaten? How do you feel? Followed. And then fe weighing, lost again but the lowest I’ve even lost between weigh ins and then the usual obs. Although this time those Obs got me sent to A&E with a heart rate “dangerously low”  I still don’t know what this means in terms of me getting better, does this mean I’ve taken a massive step backwards and I’m nearer to that full time bed than I’ve ever been? Or does this mean I just need to take it easy. 

I’ve had two bags I’ve IV fluid. Yep. Already googled it. I’m putting in weight by the second. “Water weight” but it’s still weight and I’ve already been crying over it!! Can’t get out of bed easily so no distraction. So it’s been sitting there in my mind all night just like I’m sitting here. Getting fatter by the minute. 

I’m fine. I feel fine. I just want my bed and get out of here. I don’t need to waste a bed in here. I just want to be anywhere but here. Anywhere. 

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