So tomorrow is take 2 and the last take too! I start day hospital again tomorrow and if I don’t manage tomorrow then that’s it. I’m being admitted. I’m petrified. The thought of breakfast snack lunch and snack terrifies me and I’ve no idea how I’m going to do it. I don’t want to disappoint my loved ones though. They have high expectations of me and they are the ones that got me this second chance. I can’t let them down but I just don’t know if or how I can do it. And if I can manage tomorrow how will I possibly be able to manage Tuesday and re eat all that amount. Currently If I do manage to eat I then starve myself the next day!!
I feel like I can’t win. I eat then I fail the anorexia and she is so controlling! But then I please my loved ones and my body. If I don’t eat I please the anorexia but fail yet again and destroy myself a little bit more. You need so much determination and motivation to do this. I’m so in awe of those who have that and the ability to! I’m trying I really am. That’s all I can do I guess.
I guess I’ll just see how tomorrow goes. What’s in store I don’t know. But I’ll try. I’ll give it my best. I will.