Does anyone else feel like there eating disorder has taken them back to being like a baby?!
Learning to eat again. Having to attend a day hospital which I call ‘eating school’ have a timetable, a distraction list, a reward, being supervised and watched. Having meal times and set meals. It’s little things for me too. Like I can’t use a knife and fork lately. I just can’t. I have to pick at my food with my hands or use a teaspoon. The dietician today said aim for a spork, she used that with her children. When I drink it has to be out of a bottle or a straw other wise I won’t drink it. It all just makes me feel like a baby. Not only am I learning how to swallow food etc I’m having to learn how to eat it. The whole process I’m having to re learn and it’s a simple thoughtless thing for so many people. But simply using a knife and fork and drinking from a mug takes so much thought and power.
I’ve lost more weight. I met with my support worker today. And she’s keeping me on the waiting list. She’s hoping my second attempt at “eating school” on Monday will help but she refuses to take me off the list until she thinks I can stay as a day patient. I’m trying. Baby Step by Baby step. I feel I’m at the nearly crawling stage in the baby process of walking. I know and want to crawl but I’m scared to crawl scared to take that first move take that first wobble. What if I fall what if I bump into something. Just scared.