I did a massive baby step 

I just ate 20grams of bran flakes. This may seem tiny but I haven’t eaten solid food in days. Man it was tough and now I feel awful but I did it. I ate. I ate 20 grams of bran flakes. Half the portion I need to be having and no milk but it’s a start. It’s a baby step. I ate food. I didn’t spit it out I ate it. I actually ate. I then showed of my bowl to everyone I was so chuffed. I’m so happy yet so annoyed st myself too. One side is saying well done the other is screaming and shouting at me telling me take a laxative and now not to eat any more for ages. Telling me I’ve over indulged. Arggggggg this is hard. So so so hard. I’ve instantly gained weight I know it. I feel it. I see it. I need to but I can’t. How can this be so hard how can I feel like this after 20 grams of bran flakes 75 calories 0.6 grams fat 0.1grams sat fat yet I feel obese. Yet I also feel hungry. I’ve failed yet I’ve won. I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do! What to listen to! Omg!!!!!!

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6 thoughts on “I did a massive baby step 

  1. You don’t know how happy this had made me. It’s amazing, you are showing your inner strength. You need to see the positive and believe in the side of brain that tells you well done. I can’t explain how much strength I know was required for baby step number one. Sooooo proud of you 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Super, super proud of you. I know how hard that was. The guilt is awful. One side feels guilty for eating, the other feels guilty for not, and so it goes. One step at a time though; you’ve taken that step! I remember the first potato I ate. OMG, I thought I had gained like 20 lbs. After the first week of treatment I railed at the nutritionist about how much weight I had gained. He said I had in fact lost weight… so there went my argument. I was completely miffed. Here is the motto that got me through:

    Inch by inch everything’s a cinch, yard by yard everything is hard…

    Okay, it’s not a cinch but it got the point across to me. Let’s be inchworms together. 🙂

    Like

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