I can’t even explain how I feel. I’ve literally been awake all night. I’m so tired my eyes sting there struggling to stay open yet I can’t sleep. I physically can’t fall asleep. I can’t switch off. I’m completely incapable of it. As soon as one thought enters my mind I have to reach out grab it and deal with it. This is constant. A constant cycle. My mind has to ignore the feelings my stomach are making telling me to eat. This is a battle enough. The food thinking is never ending. My brain is made up of 95% thoughts about good and 5% of everything else entering it and needing dealing with asap so my mind can get back to food. It’s torture.
I feel like just walking. Aimlessly endlessly just walking. Walking into the sea and never stopping. Just carry on walking getting deeper and deeper further and further. Washing away all other thoughts. Making my mind free of everything. Is that possible. Will my mind ever stop. Will it. That’s what I want. For this to all end. To cease to exsit. To be a distant memory not the present and constant torture.