So I find that lying gets easier and easier. And is necessary. And it doesn’t either bother me. I don’t even think about it. I just do it.
Tonight for example. I showed my mum my dinner I bought and purposely cooked dinner in front of my mum so she knew I was eating. I then took this upstairs to eat whilst watching tele. I proceeded to pick and nibble my way through my dinner. (A bowl of vegetables) only managing a third. So to make it believable I ate. I’ve hidden all but 3 bits of vegetables in my bun upstairs and will take the bowl down and leave it on the side with the 3 bits remaining so it looks like I’ve eaten. As to take an empty bowl down looks suspicious and to down what I actually left isn’t possibly. As I pretty much ate nothing. So instead this was it looks like I’ve really really tried.
It doesn’t bother me. Doesn’t bother me at all. Like earlier I bought a Milkshake. Had two tiny sips. Chucked it down the sink but left the empty bottle on the side to show I’ve had it. Even ran the tap to hide the strawberry milk left in the sink.
So not only am I a failure. Am an anorexic. A diasapointment. I waste of space. I am now a compulsive lier. Great.