Failing 

It’s been another tough week. Just when I feel things are getting better there actually getting worse! I had an appointment Friday with my support worker and she was a cow!! Ok not an actual bitch I know it’s only because she cares and wants me better. And as she says “she doesn’t want the death me on her hands” but she had a go at me, a moan, told me off and then phoned my mum! 

She says I pretty much have no choice but to attend EDICT, a day hospital Monday to Friday 9-5. Eating school in my eyes. Where I’ll be forced to eat. Dreading it doesn’t even cover it. She’s refusing to let me work writing to the doctor telling him to sign me off! Think this is what upset me the most. I’m fine to work. It keeps me busy, burns calories distracts my mind, stops me eating. And now I’ve been told I can’t!! I’ve lost more weight. Even though I was adamant I’d put on. And now she’s given me a food plan followed by a distraction plan. I feel like a baby. Never ever in my life have I ever felt like more of a failure than I do now. And it’s all because of food. 
I’ve been told I need the mental health team too and not to fob them of like I did before. This really upset me too as I thought I was on top of my depression. Clearly not! 
I’m just failing. Massively failing.

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3 thoughts on “Failing 

  1. Your not failing, failing would be laying back and letting it happen. You are fighting every day that’s courage and strength. You should be as proud as others are of you, you didn’t wake up one day and decide to have this illness…your doing amazing and it has to get worse before it can get better. You will defeat this I promise!!! xx

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