My best friend 

The laxative 

Yep the laxative my best friend. I’m addicted. I can’t cope, can’t function, can’t live without it. It’s me. 

I used to only take it if I’d eaten “properly” is say properly that could be salad for lunch and soup for dinner. But now I’ll take it regardless of what I’ve eaten or not eaten. It’s part of my day to day life. It’s habit. 

So yesterday I had salad that was all I had all day. Until I went out and got drunk and got the nibbles. But then all I ate was the grilled chicken out of a kebab and the salad. None of the pita no chips nothing else. In fact I feed the pita and spat it out ( I do that a lot lately, Spit food out) so it’s not like I over ate it’s not like I had breakfast lunch dinner and a kebab. I had a salad and the grilled chicken and more salad. Yet I got in and took 2 laxatives. On top of the half I’d already taken! 

Why! What am I doing to myself. I can’t stop my self. It’s habit. It’s my life. It’s my addiction. This thing this eating disorder is ruling my life. Is taking over. Is becoming me. 

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One thought on “My best friend 

  1. You can’t do this you can’t. The worst “Intervention” episode I watched was a young mother who had this habit and was addicted to heroin. This will take you down a very bad path. I have an addictive personality as well, and my vice was culture (I’m also not that good with alcohol…but I’m too busy to drink too much so that helps…). I was addicted 21 years to Japan– totally obsessed and it was my identity. Those days are over, but the fallout from obsession can be very severe and in my case I hurt some very important people and that guilt is forever on me and each day I give that to God as best I can. Now back to your particular issue. Recently I got a Fitbit device and it is really helping me take better care. You can focus your intake/output obsession there. It tracks outgoing calories and intake if you enter the food and amount. If you don’t have one I recommend it. Bodies were built to balance and it will help you do that. Our health, our bodies are the one thing we control. Control it well and do not abuse it. Show you can control yourself beautifully.

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